Friday, July 23, 2010

"I don't drink, I don't swear, I'm socially inept"

This is no-shit exactly how the very first phone conversation with a dude I was supposed to meet on Sunday went. It only took, oh 5 minutes, to tell me about the last girl he hooked up with on plenty of fish. She, unbeknownst to him, was married with children. A fact she let slip right after they had sex and she informed him that he was better than her husband. Thanks, dude. Thanks a lot for that unnecessary info (ya moron).

It only about 12 minutes for him to bring up HIS DEAD GIRLFRIEND. The one he was planning on proposing to the day she was killed in a car acident. But don't worry, he's dealt with the crushing blow and has moved on. By the way, have I ever been through anything seriously traumatic like that? Um, maybe I have but I wouldn't be sharing it with you. It's called personal information and you are called a stranger. (Hello, did my profile say I was a grief counselor?? No, it didn't.)

It was a painful  (for me) hour of my life. He spent it talking about himself. He talked over me and almost immediately, I switched into my fake voice and wanted it to end. It's an hour of my life that I want back .

Other bizarre bits of information he chose to share with me... a complete stranger.... that he was hoping to date:

- "Sometimes he thinks girls are just looking for a free dinner and are willing to lie on their profile to get it." Thanks for divulging your complete lack of trust in women. [Newsflash-A free dinner at Mister A's wouldn't even come close to compensating for being subjected to your company, sorry]

- "People with cats have a smell." Yes, he really said that. After I told him I like cats and I like my friend's cats.
- "I like showing people my house. I have really good decorating skills for a guy. Some people think I'm gay because of it."
-"Are you really single?" He interrogated me about my dating motivations, if I've ever been married, been engaged or had any children. Thanks for confirming that you have not listened to a single damn word I've said. Too busy focusing on yourself, I guess. Dumbass.

- He doesn't drink at all because his mother is an alcoholic.

- He doesn't swear. Didn't give a reason but gave about 3 too many examples of what it would take to get him to say the F bomb.

In my head I've already nicknamed him Sandra Dee from Grease:

There will be no in person meeting, in case I needed to spell that one out.

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