Friday, December 17, 2010

I hope my christmas card doesn't make people feel sorry for me

Damn, what was I thinking? I should have gone with a generic holiday card, instead I went with a photo card... of my dog. In a santa hat. Well, I didn't want to put a photo of me on the card. And I think my dog is funny. And I think it's funny that she looks unhappy in a santa hat.

But I think my card may worry my loved ones that I abuse my dog....and that I am officially a spinster that needs to get a life.

Damn damn damn

Monday, December 13, 2010

Quick Rant- Long blind dates

How is it that I'm always getting roped into long first dates? Why is it that no one believes me when I say "let's meet for a quick cup of coffee"? Do they not believe me? Do they think perhaps I will be overwhelmed by their charm and wit and want to spend hours upon hours with them?

No. I said let's meet for A beverage. Singular. Not dinner. Not drinks. Not a long drawn out walk where I get progressively more annoyed at my time being stolen. A blind date should be short, in case one person finds the other unattractive, obnoxious or annoying in person.

After the initial meeting, if both parties want to see each other again, a proper dinner date should be planned. I'm not Ms. Manners but I'm pretty sure that's the proper protocol.

FYI-I hate getting roped into dinner, long walks and hanging out at your place on a blind date. I hate it!

Why do I even bother??

-end rant-

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Um... there's a tree on top of your car.

I'm not sure why the sight of a car driving with a Christmas tree tied to the roof amuses me, but it does. It just looks so incongruous. A tree, which should be standing upright in dirt, is cruising down the freeway at 65 mph on it's way to be used briefly indoors, possibly a foyer, adorned with pieces of plastic and glass and lights while dying a slow death in a pail of water. It's weird, right?

Why on earth do we do it? I'm not a tree hugger so that's not my problem...I just think it's a hilarious custom. It's, like, a lot of work! My dad hated it. Getting sap all over his hands, forcing the tree somewhat vertical into the stand and then wrapping all those damn lights.

And the holidays have enough going on as it is. Why don't we just save ourselves the hassle of purchasing, hauling, lighting, decorating, and cleaning up the mess the needles make and just decorate a tree or two in our yard? You know, sometimes at ski resorts the pine trees are decorated with bras discarded from the ski lift. That could be interesting in your front yard!

Also, I noticed that super big Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center is an OUTDOOR tree. Perhaps that's the way it should be? Not that I know anything about the history of the Christmas tree tradition. Maybe there's a really great reason for it. Maybe back in the day it totally made sense to do so (although I can't really imagine there being a practical purpose).

It seems to me that stockings hung over a fireplace are pretty and festive and handy. And could be a reminder that that's all kids used to get for Christmas, a sock filled with sweets. Reality check, in your face!
I'm just not sure why the tree is necessary.

I'm no grinch. I love Christmas. In fact, I think it would be awesome if instead of placing presents under a tree, families piled presents into a tree shaped pyramid, jenga style. That would be a fun consumerist way to celebrate the birth of Jesus! No tree needed.

I'll stop now...