But, I'm done. Even though my boss says I could stay if I wanted, I feel stuck in this job and am unhappy. I'm gonna squeeze out as much as possible out of my benefits and vacation hours until the remaining money is exhausted, but I can't wait to get out of here.
I'm going to spend the next 3 months defining what my "Eat, pray, love" is gonna look like and then spend the next 3-6 months doing it. I'm in the "figuring it out" phase now to see what's going to work for me. And also getting support from the strangest of people and places. I randomly went to a party and ran into an acquaintance that I haven't seen in a long time. She was a lawyer working god awful hours the last time I saw her. But right now she is doing exactly what I want to do. She's taking a break a from work. She encouraged me and reassured me that this is what I need to do for myself and that I wouldn't regret it. At least she hasn't. Running into her felt like a sign.
It's a big decision to make though, you know. I've been thinking about this for months but I just have so much fear of the unknown. I actually had break down in mindfulness meditation class from the stress of the decision. Luckily my teacher is awesome and talked me off the ledge by the pretty quickly, albeit publicly in front of the class (there's only 5 of us). It was so helpful and so weird and so exactly what I needed at that moment.
Meditation is staying in the rotation for my mental health and it's a practice that needs some cultivation. So there's the "pray" component of eat, pray love- no ashrams for me though. And actually "eat" can be crossed out as I've never been a foodie. Love may get a shot at staying in the rotation, but it's not official yet.